Life Goes On

Well it's been a strange month or so. Not even sure I should be writing about this for everyone to see but here it goes. We have been talking about trying for another baby here soon; well it happened sooner than we expected. I conceived in January sometime. I was shocked and worried since it happened so soon after going off the pill (which was only at the end of December). Took a couple pregnancy tests which turned out positive. I then started getting a little excited, thinking the baby would be due in October, and planning to get bunk beds for the girls so they can share a room again, yadda yadda yadda.
Well about 4 days later the spotting started. Went to the doctor and she pegged me at being 6 weeks pregnant. She said it is probably the case where the sperm entered the egg but no fetus grew. It's just an empty sack basically. That saddened me. She booked me for an ultrasound for Wednesday 11th. So I had to wait.
The next night I dreamt that Dr. House was in my bathroom with me, he looked at my pregnancy test and said flat out that I wasn't pregnant. That dream bugged me.
Friday 13th got the Leduc Rep and my horoscope said something like don't listen to other people's opinions and that Tuesday would be a challenge. Well I thought my ultrasound was on Wednesday so the day was wrong.
Well Saturday morning (14th) the spotting turned more pink so I went into emergency and got checked out. Got my blood done to check hormone levels. The Dr wanted me to go every two days after and get my blood checked to make sure the hormone levels were rising. The level is supposed to double every two days. My level on Sat. was 411. Low. Not good. He said also that he got me in for an ultrasound on Tuesday, a day sooner than my original appointment. My horoscope was turning out to be right after all. Again, not good.
Monday(16th)went for more blood work.
Tuesday morning Dr. called and said my hormone levels dropped by half to 200 and something so I did have a miscarriage after all. I was kind of expecting that but hoping and praying at the same time that everything was going to turn out okay. Went in for my ultrasound that day to confirm. I asked the doctor if this happened because I just went off the pill but he said that doesn't cause micarriages. Just that something must have been wrong and so the body gets rid of it.
I was pretty sad but thinking that things happen for a reason. I had to keep my chin up and focus on my two beautiful girls. Not sure if we will try again. I am thinking the higher powers are telling me to just be happy with what we have. Two healthy children whom my life revolves around. They were excited when we told them they were going to be big sisters and it broke my heart to tell them the baby is gone now. It was also hard to tell everyone who knew I was pregnant the bad news.
I haven't cried yet. Not sure if I will. I am actually doing okay. I am glad it happened when it did and not a few months down the road.
So that's what we've been dealing with for the past few weeks. It sucks but life goes on. Gotta push forward and enjoy what life has given us.